The Love Dare - Day 19

Day 19: Love is impossible - "Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." - 1 John 4:7

It's hard for me to imagine that people who do not know God are not capable of unconditional love. Can you believe that before I was saved, I didn't really know unconditional love? Wow - I just thought I loved Matt...then I was saved. God shows that type of love through us. According to the Bible, God's true word, if you are not right with God, you cannot unconditionally love someone. You can't give what you don't have. So, if you are not saved by the grace of God, please know that you will ONLY be saved if you ask Him to enter your heart. All you have to do is ask and confess of your sins. "If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation" (Romans 10:9-10). I AM SAVED. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that when I die, I will meet Jesus face to face IN HEAVEN...my eternal home. Because of this, I can love unconditionally. I'm learning every day how to do that.

Day 19 Dare: Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

There were definitely some dares that I read and thought that I would never accomplish. For instance: Day 1 - No negative comments? Whew. I read that and thought to myself that I might as well give up now. Me? Not a single negative word to Matt? It seems as if I always said negative things to him...certainly not meaning to hurt him, but I think just out of habit. Once I made a conscious effort to stop saying negative things to him, it really lifted a burden from me. How about Day 5? Ask your spouse to tell you three things about you that make him irritated. Wow - I lucked up on that one. It was Valentine's Day, so we were already being sentimental and sappy. It was simple to bring that up in conversation...especially since he had already noticed how I hadn't been negative at all. I have started to realize that I need God more than ever and I've been so thirsty for Him. I have enjoyed this Love Dare so far, not only because of the impact it has had on me and Matt, but also the fact that it has brought me closer to God and has dared me to love Him more as well.

Lord, I know I'm going to Heaven when I die. Thank You for that. Thank You for giving Your son, Jesus Christ to die for me so that I can be saved and know true, unconditional, never-ending love. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 18

Day 18: Love seeks to understand - "How blessed is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gains understanding." - Proverbs 3:13


We should seek to study our spouse. I mean really study him/her. By doing so, it will give us greater insight into them and to help better understand them. Do you think you completely understand your spouse? I know I don't always understand mine...that's for sure. That's also part of being the opposite sex. We are built differently. God did that on purpose. We are built to complement each other. To mesh together. But, that doesn't mean it is easy. We are so different that we have a hard time understanding each other. Let's make it our goal to completely understand our spouse. I know for sure I'm trying every day.

Day 18 Dare: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse btter, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

Tonight, I created a nice, romantic evening for me and Matt. I had to wait until the kids were in bed in order for it to be just the two of us. While Matt was helping Ben into bed, I lit some candles and put out our fancy glasses that never get used. When he came down the steps, the buzzer to the oven went off and he saw the candles and glasses sitting on the table. He smiled. Just then, the buzzer went off and the pizza was ready. Yes, I said pizza. Matt has to be the pickiest eater on the face of the earth, so what you might consider a nice meal would make Matt gag. Who said pizza can't be romantic? I turned off the TV and the lights and we had a quiet dinner...just the two of us. It was very nice and I think I need to make this a habit. Maybe it should be a Friday night ritual. Turn off the TV and spend time together. How easy that would be for me to really seek to understand him with no other distractions!

Lord, thank You again for a wonderful evening with the love of my life. I pray for many more nights like this to come. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 17

Day 17: Love promotes intimacy - "He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." - Proverbs 17:9

It's so important to be intimate with our spouse. This isn't just physical intimacy, but also emotional intimacy which is sometimes so difficult. I really can't say this any better than The Love Dare book says it, so I'll quote from it: "Each of us comes into life with an inborn hunger to be known, loved, and accepted. We want people to know our name, to recognize us when they see us, and to value who we are. The prospect of sharing our home with another person who know us down to the most intimate detail is part of the deep pleasure of marriage." pg. 81. See? I told you I couldn't say it any better. It's true though...the deep pleasure of marriage is not physical at all. It's just knowing that someone knows you all the way down to the innermost depths of your heart. I'm glad to give that to Matt. He is the only one other than God that knows me so well. I pray that God leaves him here on earth for years and years to be my companion.

Day 17 Dare: Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

Matt was out of town on business today and I accidentally almost missed this dare. Somehow, I skipped Day 17 last night when reading the book and thank goodness I looked back over it this morning before leaving for work. Today's dare didn't actually require that Matt be here, so I almost skipped a day without need!

Actually, guarding Matt's secrets come very easily to me. Matt doesn't really hesitate letting me know how he feels about certain things, people, events, etc. I also know that he expects me to keep the feelings he shares with me between the two of us. I have never, ever, ever felt the need to share his thoughts with anyone else. While I don't always agree with Matt, I love him in spite of those disagreements. That shows that I choose to love Matt. I choose him. Always.

Lord, help Matt to remember that he can completely trust me. I will always keep his secrets as part of my promise to love him. Thank you for such a wonderful man. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 17 Postponed UPDATE!!

UPDATE at 10:30 PM:

It's a good thing I looked at my book again this morning because I found that I had actually skipped Day 17 last night -the pages must have been stuck together or something - who know!?!. Today's dare didn't actually require that Matt be here, so it really worked out. It was Day 18 that he was required to be here for, so that's tomorrow. Whew...I'm still on track! Read the next post to see Day 17.

Matt is out of town on business today and will return tomorrow. Because the dare for today requires that he physically be here, it will have to wait until his return. However, it will give me an extra day to prepare for this dare and I'm looking forward to it. Check back tomorrow night! Until then, please continue to pray for me. This is a very personal and spiritual journey for me and my prayer is that it will touch not only my marriage, but the marriage of at least one other couple.

The Love Dare - Day 16

Day 16: Love intercedes – “Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.” – 3 John 2

We should pray for our spouses on a daily basis. It seems like we always remember to pray for ourselves, our children, those friends that asked you to pray for a specific need, etc., but why do we oftentimes forget to pray for our spouse. I don’t mean just pray for their safety or health (which seem to be first things that come to my mind), but pray for their heart, their soul, their total inner self. Today’s lesson focused on the fact that you cannot change your spouse (or anyone for that matter). I know that, but sometimes I selfishly forget that it can’t be done. All we can do is pray for our spouses…pray for them every single day. We should do this out of honor and love for both them and most importantly for God.

Day 16 Dare: Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.

I did choose three areas to pray for Matt. I chose to pray for Matt that he will continue to grow in the Lord. I chose to pray for Matt that he will continue to be a Godly husband to me and father to our children. I chose to pray for Matt that by his actions and words, he will be a shining light and testimony to God’s grace and mercy. Matt is a wonderful man. But, just like me, he is a sinner saved by God’s grace. I’m going to make a point to pray for Matt in these specific areas every single day. It’s sometimes difficult for me to keep it about the other person. I want my prayers to be completely selfless.

Lord, please touch Matt in the areas about which I have already spoken with You. Thank You for Your grace and mercy that Matt and I will dwell in Your kingdom together forever. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 15

Day 15: Love is honorable – “Live with your wives in an understanding way…and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.” - 1 Peter 3:7

Honoring our spouses is something that should be done on a daily basis…not only in their presence, but when we are away from them, too. There is nothing I despise more than someone talking negatively about his/her spouse. I cringe when someone tells me all the negative things about their spouse and doesn’t tell me one single, positive thing. Come on, tell me one thing. Think back to the reasons you married him/her. Why did you choose to love and marry that person? I know the day to day reality sets in and we forget about all of those things, but we must honor our spouse by NOT saying negative things about them…either to their face or behind their back. Honoring your spouse can be just turning off the TV when she wants to talk or getting off the phone when he comes home from work. It’s the little things that go such a long way!

Day 15 Dare: Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

Today’s dare came naturally to me. There again, since Day One it has been much easier for me to do the “little things” because my negativity has diminished to nearly nothing. By not snapping at Matt when I’m grouchy or by talking to him with ears that are really listening to what he has to say, I’m honoring him. I know he is not a perfect person and it’s not always easy to show honor to someone at all times, but these last two weeks have been phenomenal. It’s amazing to me how by me choosing to honor him in the small, everyday things, I’m really making it a habit of honoring him in the big picture. I didn't do anything specific for today's dare. I feel like that it's becoming a habit for me to honor Matt. He can tell I’ve changed…I know he can.

Lord, again I come to you with a heart on fire for You and for my marriage. In all my life, I have never given all my effort to something so worthwhile and I can feel it changing me and others around me. Thank You, thank You, thank You. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 14

Day 14: Love takes delight – “Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.” – Ecclesiastes 9:9

Our lives are so busy, we often forget to stop and take delight in what we are experiencing at the present time. It’s hard to stop and just sit with your spouse when the yard needs to be mowed, laundry is piled to the ceiling, the kids are filthy and the car needs to be cleaned out from the moldy sippy cups that have rolled under the seat. I’m working on letting the little things go and delighting in the things that matter.

Day 14 Dare: Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.

Since blogging is something I normally do in the evenings, I’m neglecting this activity for tonight. Matt is in the shower and when I hear the water cut off, I’m all his!

Lord, let this evening be a blessing for our marriage. Help me let the little things go and focus on my wonderful, God-given husband. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 13

Day 12: Love fights fair – “If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.” – Mark 3:25

How hard is it to fight fair? I’m probably the queen of fighting dirty and it’s a constant battle within me not to do this. I try to remember that words cannot be taken back. Why would I want to say things that would hurt my spouse? Just because I’m hurting over something that has been said or done to me, doesn’t give me the right to turn around and hurt my spouse. It’s not fair. It does not make me the better person by doing this. It does not do anything to build up the other person. All it does is create more hurt and drive a wedge under the foundation of our marriage. Why on earth would I do that? I’m human. We’re sinners. It’s in our very nature. That’s why.

Day 12 Dare: Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Since Matt doesn’t know about the dare, I chose to write my own list. It’s not a long list, but it’s an important list. I will share it with you:

1. Do not speak in a negative tone to Matt

2. Do not raise your voice

3. Do not allow emotions to override rational thought

4. Listen to Matt before interjecting

5. Listen with understanding when my own faults are brought into light

I’m burning this list into my memory so that when the next disagreement occurs, I will be more than prepared to do my part in fighting fair.

Lord, I cannot thank You enough for the strength you have given me thus far. Please put Your hand upon me and help me to continue to do Your will. I want more than anything to strengthen my marriage for Your glory, but also to encourage others. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 12

Day 12: Love lets the other win – “Submit to one another out of reverence to Christ.” - Ephesians 5:21; “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for interests others.” - Philippians 2:4

Hmm…this can be very difficult, especially in a heated argument. It’s very hard to let the other person win an argument; however, how many arguments do we have that are trivial? Where do you want to go for dinner? What color do we paint the kitchen? Those types of questions come up in our daily lives and are certainly areas that we can choose to let the other win. Is there really anything wrong with stopping and grabbing a quick dinner at Arby’s instead of spending the extra money and going to Chili’s? Or, is Tempered All Spice really that different from Delta Sandbar once you get them on the wall? I could certainly (not necessarily easily) give in on “arguments” such as this. Can you imagine the peace in your home if you didn’t fuss about the things that really don’t matter? What about those things that do matter? Do we spank the kids or just send them to time out? You want a new car, but your spouse doesn’t think it’s necessary. These things can turn into big deals quickly, but if we think and plan ahead as to how we will handle issues like this we can train ourselves to let things go for the sake of our marriage.

Day 12 Dare: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

There wasn’t really anything today that brought about a disagreement in our house. Matt stayed home from the farm today since his dad worked today. It was really nice since the kids were away last night and didn’t come home until naptime! We slept in and then had a quiet breakfast together. Honestly, since Day 1, there have been few disagreements because I have chosen to be positive instead of negative. I can’t think of one single, solitary negative thing I have said to Matt in the last 12 days. So, giving in to areas of disagreement is coming easily to me. Since I’m the one that usually gets riled up about things we can’t agree on, it’s been rather peaceful. I will continue to do this and remember to keep my negativity at bay. I hope you are able to submit to your spouse as you do to Christ. I’m working on it and it is definitely coming easier every day!

Lord, as the days go by, help me to remember the reason for my Love Dare. Please help me to know that I am doing this so that my marriage is strengthened and glorifies You. Help me to be an example and source of encouragement to those couples in desperate need. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 11

Day 11: Love cherishes - “Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies” – Ephesians 5:28

To me, this means that you should look at and love your spouse like he/she is part of you. When we get married, we become one. Growing up, my dad always told my sister and me, “speak nicely of your sister as she is part of your family. What you say about her is a reflection of you.” I think the same thing holds true of your spouse. Treat your spouse as you would want to be treated. Speak highly of him. What you say about your spouse behind her back is a direct reflection of you. You chose to marry this person. At some point, you chose to love this person for better or for worse. Cherish the good things and overlook the not so good. Cherish your time together for only God knows what moment will be your last.

Day 11 Dare: What need does your spouse have that you might meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

Today was difficult for me. Matt isn't a really "needy" person. We were supposed to go to dinner at a friend of mine's house. She ended up having to take her mom to the emergency room, so since we already had a babysitter, we decided to go to Ruby Tuesday for dinner. We had nice conversation and a relaxing evening. He and I enjoyed each other's company thoroughly and since we weren't in hurry to eat (the kids spent the night with his mom and dad) we were able to just sit at the table after dinner and talk. We talked about our jobs (as much as he is allowed to tell me about his), our kids, our families, the economy, our impending Vegas trip, etc. I asked him if there was anything he needed me to do when we got home and he said he couldn't think of anything. I pondered and pondered and just couldn't come up with anything. I asked him later if I could give him a backrub and he said he didn't need one. Oh well. Maybe I will get an opportunity to do something for him tomorrow since we'll be together all day.

Lord, thank you for a wonderful evening alone with my husband. I do cherish him and our time together. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 10

Day 10: Love is unconditional – “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Roman 5:8

God wants us to love our spouse like He loves us. Unconditionally. Not, “I love you because…” Just, “I love you.” Yes, it’s wonderful to build up our spouses by telling them the things we adore about them. To me, that should just help to intensify the unconditional love, not define it. Our spouses can’t make us love them. We choose to love them. We don’t love someone because they are pretty or because they behave in a certain way - those are characteristics that attract us to that person, not make us love them. Looks and behaviors change over the years but a deep, absolute, unconditional love withstands the test of time.

Day 10 Dare: Do something out of the ordinary for your spouse – something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

I decided that for today’s dare, I would put away the tools that Matt has been using for our bathroom remodels. He is finished with the exception of trimming out the paint and installing a towel ring at each sink. He told me that he would just wait and put everything away at the same time. So, while he was in the shower, I took the tools (wrenches, hammer, dry wall screws, etc.) he didn’t need for the remaining projects and placed him in his new tool box in the garage. I put each one in their respective drawer/cabinet and then he wouldn’t have to do it later. At first, he didn’t notice, but then he thanked me for doing it. I told him I wasn’t just doing it because I was sick of looking at them. I did it because I wanted to show him that I love him and I wanted to help him to demonstrate that love.

So far, Matt still doesn’t know that I’m doing the Love Dare. As I said in my original post, I’m doing this Love Dare not because we are having “problems,” but because I want to strengthen our marriage. I want to do this in order to build a “Fireproof” relationship that is not only ready to withstand a small fire, but is able to endure what could easily be a catastrophic fire. We will still be standing together when the fires come and go.

Lord, I praise You and already feel that I am coming closer to You thru this Love Dare. I only pray that someone else will be touched by my journey and either come to know You or realize that their marriage is worth saving. I could not do this without You. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 9

Day 9: Love makes good impressions - "Whatever is in your heart determines what you say." (Luke 6:45 NLT)

Isn't that verse true? How many times do we just speak our mind and heart without thinking first? If you have disdain in your heart, do you often say hateful things? Of course you do. I know I do. We're human. First impressions are lasting impressions. Not just the first time you meet someone, but the minute you walk in the door at home, too. If you are polite and kind to your spouse as soon as you walk in, doesn't it set the tone for the rest of the evening. If I walk in and immediately roll my eyes because the dishwasher isn't empty like I asked, I can assure you that the mood for the rest of the night will be one of negativity and petty arguments. Guaranteed.

Day 9 Dare: Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

Usually when I come home from work, I'm running in the door, dropping my bags, kids, shoes, coats, papers, etc in the floor quickly so I can run in and go to the bathroom. Half the time, I don't even say hello to Matt. Today was a little out of the ordinary because I had a meeting at daycare after work. I'm on the Parent Advisory Board and the meeting lasted until about 7:30. It was about 8:00 when I got home last night, which is about an hour past Katie's bedtime. Both kids were in a good mood and for some reason, I didn't have as much stuff in my arms when I walked in the door. I put everything down, said hello to Matt, gave him a hug and kiss. Then, I proceeded to do all the normal stuff. It was the first impression of a loving greeting that set the tone for our evening. After putting the kids to bed, we just sat in the living room and watched a little TV. It was nice for me to be able to relax with Matt since my house was cleaned yesterday and I am caught up on my laundry. I had nothing that HAD to be done tonight. It was a pleasant evening and I'm looking forward to tomorrow's dare.

Lord, thank you again for a pleasant evening. I'm up for this challenge and my heart is 100% invested. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 8

Day 8: Love is not jealous - "Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire."— Song of Solomon 8:6 NIV

I've never thought of myself as being a jealous person; however, after reading today's lesson, I guess we all are jealous in some way. According to the Love Dare book, there are two forms of jealousy. Legitimate jealousy: jealousy FOR someone. Does your spouse spend too much time at the watching TV? Did s/he have an affair? Then, you are jealous FOR that person's time and affection. Illegitimate jealousy: jealousy OF someone. Did your spouse just get a big promotion and raise and now make more money than you? Then, you are jealous OF that person's belongings or success. Both types of jealousy are found in marriage as well as in other relationships. The key is to be able to find true joy in your spouse's joy and successes without being jealous. It goes back to the old phrase: "What's yours is mine and what's mine is yours." Matt and I truly follow this (except when it comes to the last Nutty Buddy in the freezer and then it's JUST MINE! - Just kidding, he can have it if he really wants it, but I'm going to sulk a little).

Day 8 Dare: Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

Although it was easier to make the negative list, I still felt much relief yesterday when after making my two lists, my negative list was much shorter than my positive list. I'm looking forward to burning the negatives and really dwelling on the many, many, many positive characteristics of Matt. I have to say that I'm really good at truly being happy for Matt when he excels or succeeds at something. I can't imagine being jealous about that. I am however, jealous FOR Matt's time when he spends every Saturday at his parents' farm. It's something I'm constantly working on and trying not to dwell on as I know he loves to do it.

Lord, thank you for creating me as a person who deals well with jealousy. Help me to continue being able to control jealousy in my marriage as well as other relationships I have. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 7

Day 7: Love believes the best - "Love chooses to believe the best about people."

The book talks about two rooms in the depths of your heart. The first is the Appreciation Room where positive thoughts and feelings about your spouse are stored. The second is the Depreciation Room where negative feelings and ammunition for arguments live. In the beginning of your relationship, the Appreciation Room is the only place you visit, but after marriage, the Depreciation Room tends to be the place that people spend lots of time. We forget those things that we appreciate about our spouse as daily life gets in the way and we tend to depreciate them, just like a car depreciates. The more we drive the car, the more used to it we get. We forget why we bought it in the first place and start complaining about the things that are "wrong" with it.

Day 7 Dare: For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point druing the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and think your spouse for having this characteristic.

Matt has many positive traits, but some of them are so hard to put into words. I found that the negative list was easier to compile, but it was shorter than the positive list. I have hidden the lists in my night stand drawer and will pull them out when it appears in another dare. I imagine I will be revisiting the lists soon. But, since I will be showing this blog to Matt at the completion of the Love Dare, I will not be publishing the either positive or negative. It's for us only.

Lord, thank you so much for giving Matt to me. I love him so much. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 6

Day 6: Love is not irritable - "People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact."

Boy isn't that the truth? Have you ever just sat and stewed over something that made you mad? The more you think about it, the madder it makes you and then, when given the chance, you fly off the handle and react out of anger or irritability. You feel better for a few minutes and then realize that you've hurt someone's feelings or bruised their ego. It's hard to exercise self-control when I'm irritable. It's almost like being irritable (especially if Matt is the one that irritated me) gives you permission to act in a way you normally don't act. Stress, not getting enough sleep, not eating right, etc. are all things that make me irritable. My primary love language is "Acts of Service" and when things are not done around the house when I think they should be done, it really gets me going.

Day 6 Dare: Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need margin in your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Matt got called into work at 4:00 this morning for an emergency situation, so he was gone all day. I feel sorry for him when he has to go into work, but I used to get irritated about it, especially when he misses church. Today, I did not. I made a special effort to pray for him at work and pray that his day went well so he could get home and rest. Since there were no "tough marriage circumstances" today, I took the rest of the day and I concentrated on things that I could do to create margin in my life. I just kept thinking about how I try to squeeze as much as possible into a 24 hour period of time and it seems like I never get everything done. I'm sure this is a common problem, but it's definitely a source of irritation for me. So, I would say that I need to create some margin in my life to allow a little bit of relaxation time to re-energize myself. Something else...meal planning. I can't stand coming in from work right at dinner time and scrambling around looking for something to feed the family. It's a definite source of irritation and tends to get me all riled up. I had trouble with the "wrong motivations" section, so I'll continue thinking about that.

Lord, thank you for being a constant source of peace in my life. Help me to remain happy and content and to overlook sources of irritation. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 5

Day 5: Love is not rude - "The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners."

I hate rudeness, so I'm very conscious about it and try not to be rude. It's amazing how being rude to someone can bring out the worst in them. It's a vicious cycle. You're rude to someone, it's ruins their day and they turn around and are rude to someone else. I've worked in customer service and had to train myself to ignore the rude behavior's of others. It's difficult for me. Husbands and wives can be rude to each other without even realizing it. Sometimes, it's in our unspoken actions, sometimes it's in our words.

Day 5 Dare: Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

I found this dare very difficult. The most difficult, by far. It was especially hard because Matt doesn't know about my Love Dare. Fortunately, it happened on Valentine's Day and I was able to work it into a conversation that we were having about how good our week had been. Meaning not ONE single argument about anything. Anything. I asked Matt what were some things that I did that irritated him. He really had to think on it and then said the only thing he could think of was the negativity, which I had already corrected. Wow. I'm not sure if I just put him on the spot or if there really isn't anything else. Well, if this was Day 5, I can't imagine how much harder this will get. I haven't read ahead and I don't plan on it. I think it will be scary to read ahead and that's why I'm taking it one day at a time.

Lord, thank you so much for a wonderful husband that loves me for who I am. I can only hope and pray that this challenge brings us closer to each other and to You. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 4

Day 4: Love is thoughtful - "Love thinks. It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally."

I am a very thoughtful person. Actually, I'm probably one of the most thoughtful people you will ever meet. I'm always checking in on people to see how they are feeling after surgery or calling to see how their presentation went. However, I think I just assume Matt doesn't need or deserve my thoughtfulness. I don't make it a point to ask him if he had a good day or how work is going. It's very important to our relationship for him to know that he deserves to be treated with courtesy and thoughtfulness at all times. "Love thinks" is a great motto. You shouldn't just always fly by the seat of your pants when it comes to love. You have to put thought into it and be creative. You don't have to buy something every time you want to show your thoughtfulness. Sometimes a simple gesture can go much further. I know it would in my house.

Day 4 Dare: Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

This dare was easy for me as Matt and I talk to each other several times a day. However, he's usually the one who calls me to see how my day is going. I beat him to it today. I called him a little after lunchtime just to see how he was doing and to tell him that I would be home before him today for a change. I get off early on Fridays and I thought I would take that opportunity to ask if there was anything I could do for him when I got home. He couldn't think of anything, but appreciated the thought. Ahhhh...thoughtfulness.

Matt has actually mentioned several times today that my mood has been wonderful for the past few days. I just smiled and told him I didn't know what he was talking about. He told me to keep it up. His mood has been better, too. It's amazing how losing the negativity can rub off on him and create a domino effect.

Lord, I am already feeling the positive effects of this challenge. Help me to be open to the dares still to come and lead me thru this. I'm leaning on You. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 3

Day 3: Love is not selfish - "Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others."

The things we put our interest, priorities, money and time into are the things we love. Think about it this way...we say that we "love" to go out to eat or that we love to read a good book. Really? Do we love these things or just enjoy doing them? I'm going to go with the second choice and say that I just enjoy doing those things. So really, we should not put those false "loves" in front of our true love - our spouse. If I want to read a book or make some cards or play online I should make sure to ask Matt if there is anything he wants to talk to me about or if he would like to spend a few minutes together before I go off to do my own thing.

Day 3 Dare: Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

I pondered this dare all day today. Matt is very difficult to buy for and really doesn't ever want or need anything. My first thought was to buy him a can of Skoal, which is the kind of tobacco he uses. I usually will not be a party to his bad habit. But, I knew it would be something he would truly appreciate. Then, I tossed around the idea of getting him a card, but since Valentine's Day is in 2 days, that wasn't really a good idea since I've already gotten him a card for that. I threw around some other ideas before I emailed my friend Laura to see if she had any suggestions. Lo and behold, she suggested I get him his favorite brand of tobacco. Ahhh, she knows Matt, too! So, that justified my first thought and I stopped on the way home and got him not one, but two cans of Skoal. I handed them to him a few minutes after the kids and I got home. I told him that I had seen them on sale (it was the truth) when I stopped to get gas and it made me think of him, so I picked them up for him. He thanked me and told me that I probably didn't get a good deal. Plus, he had just bought a whole roll on his way home. BACKFIRE! Oh well, it was the thought that counts, right? Also, in addition to not saying anything negative today, I also sat in the living room and played Blackjack with Matt for a while before we went to bed. It's his favorite game and he's always begging me to play with him. He was shocked when I told him I would play! We had a good time.

So, I'm just going to keep plugging along each day. Adding each dare as it comes along. I know they will get more difficult as the days go by, but I'm up for the challenge. Are you?

Lord, thank you for the positive response I have had so far. Help me to remember that it's not just about me. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 2

Day 2: Love is kind - "Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likeable."

I know Matt loves me. But does he like me? I hope so. But, I know I'm not always likeable. Who is? We would by lying to ourselves if we said we are always likeable. So, a solution? Be kind. Have you ever thought about how difficult it is to dislike someone that is always kind. I'm very kind to everyone. Wait a minute. I'm lying. I'm not always kind to Matt. There are some times that I am downright nasty to him, but he loves me anyway. I can tell he doesn't like me at those times, but I bet if I was nice to him, he would like me. My goal is to be likeable. All the time.

Day 2 Dare: In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.

For today's dare, along with not being negative, I packed Matt's lunch for him and left him a sweet note in his lunchbox. I know that may not seem as if it is a big deal, but it's something that he does every night and rarely do I offer to pack it for him. He even takes the same thing each day. I packed it almost as soon as I got home from work. I didn't want him to beat me to it. He didn't notice it for quite some time, but right as he was coming to the bedroom from his shower, he told me thank you for packing his lunch. He also sent me an email this morning thanking me for the note in his lunchbox. I know he was grateful and guess what...I bet he really liked me at that moment.

Lord, keep me strong and faithful. I know the challenges will get more difficult as I continue thru this book. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 1

Day 1: Love is patient - "Love will inspire you to become a patient person."

Today's lesson is about patience and negativity. Actually, it's about being positive which comes easily if you are being patient. I have a real tendency to speak in a negative tone. In general, I'm a very positive and optimistic person, but when I get upset or annoyed, I lash out with harsh tones. I don't necessarily yell, but just being negative or sarcastic. I am guilty of yelling at times, but I sincerely try to use kind tones on a daily basis. Regardless of the situation.

Day 1 Dare: Resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all.

I had a very nice day today. I was excited about starting the dare and was very successful at the challenge. To me, not being negative means not nagging about the dirty clothes laying on his side of the bed. It means, not getting upset when the garbage is overflowing. Or not huffing and puffing so loudly when I have to take it out myself. I did not say one single negative thing to Matt today. Not one. Apparently, it was very obvious that I was being nice because he commented several times about how good my mood had been during the day. I did not find today's dare to be a struggle. I just have to remember to continue practicing patience daily.

Lord, please be with me as I work my way thru the Love Dare. Amen.

The Love Dare

Matt and I have been married for almost 8 years and we were together for 4 years before that. So really, we have grown into adults together. We met while we were in high school and started dating toward the end of his senior year. I can honestly say that I knew I would marry Matt pretty soon after we started dating. He was just different than anyone else I dated and had respect for me. We went to church together and we hung out with the youth group and some of his other friends from church. I grew up in a Methodist church, which is different from Chilhowee Hills Baptist in many ways. I had never been saved. Actually, it was not even taught to me that the only way to heaven is thru Jesus Christ. In a Methodist church, everything is so formal, being christened as an infant, having confirmation (making you a member of the church) as a youth, etc. You can't be made into a Christian by being baptized. You are made into a Christian by accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and knowing that he died on the cross to save you from your sins. It's as simple as that. I was saved on November 17th, 2001, which was shortly after Matt and I married. We now have two children, Ben (born in August 2004) and Katie (born in May 2007). I truly want them to grow up with parents that love each other unconditionally. What a foundation that will create for their relationships and marriages!

So, now that you have a basic history of us, on to the Love Dare! Matt and I have a good marriage. I say good because things can always be better...nothing is ever perfect. We have the typical spats about money or housework or this or that, but nothing ever truly detrimental. Things are actually going very well. We are debt free except for our house and have plans to pay it off by the end of the Summer 2009. After that, we are taking a celebration trip to Las Vegas! It's amazing how having no debt is so liberating. I'm not doing the Love Dare because our marriage is burning to the ground. Not at all. In fact, it's probably just the opposite - still in the building and growing stage. I'm doing the Love Dare as preventative maintenance for a long-lasting, strong Christian-based marriage.

I hope you enjoy this blog as I make my way thru the 40 day challenge. I imagine it will take longer than 40 days as there will be bumps (maybe hills or mountains) in the road, but I hope you will follow along with me and support and encourage me. I will look forward to it each morning with optimism and courage.

By the way, Matt has NO IDEA that I'm reading this book, much less performing the Love Dare on him. I wanted to keep it a secret so that he can enjoy the untainted results. I don't want him to think I'm being phony. I want him to know that I am genuinely seeking a FIREPROOF MARRIAGE.