The Love Dare - Day 31

Day 31: Love and marriage - A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Sometimes this is much, much easier said than done…especially if you marry young without having been on your own before marriage. It can be so difficult for a person to leave the parents who have provided so many things (emotional support, a roof overhead, food, etc.) and completely and totally cleave to the person he/she is marrying. We need to depend on our spouse for that support. How many times after first getting married did you want to call and “tattle-tale” on your spouse? Some people do that even after years of marriage. I have found that it gives me no satisfaction to degrade Matt, so I don’t. Plain and simple. God’s design for marriage is for us to be united together. Not dependent on our moms and dads.

Day 31 Dare: Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

Fortunately, this has not been much of an issue in our marriage. Matt has always been able to provide for me in every way since getting married. Neither of us had ever lived away from our parents, so we are truly blessed that the leaving has not been one of our trials. I’ve never had to ask my parents for money, call them to say we didn’t have food in the cabinet, call them when my car needed repaired, etc. It is truly a blessing to us and I’m thankful to God that he has allowed Matt and I to be completely independent of our parents (although we love them and appreciate their offers of support) and dependent upon each other.

Lord, thank You for parents that love me enough to let me go. Thank You for a wonderful husband that loves me enough to accept me and take care of me. Thank You for designing marriage the way that you did. Amen.

So sorry...

I haven't forgotten about my Love Dare. Actually, I just had to postpone it for a few weeks because there were so many other things going on in our lives. I wanted to be able to dedicate myself 100% to the dare, so I thought it best to start from Day 30 (I have not given up the other concepts I have learned) and finish up the last 10 days. So, as I might not be able to post something every single day, I'm journaling in my Love Dare book and will post as soon as I can.

Today, I got home from work and Matt was on the phone. I heard him tell his buddy that he would talk to him later because I had just gotten home and he wanted to talk to me. I thought, "uh-oh...what have I done." He proceeded to tell me that while he was home today (he's been on vacation for a couple of days) he got on my blog to see the pictures I had put on there. Well guess what he found! You got it. He found the links to my Love Dare blog...and he read it. And he liked it. I was so glad to know that he wasn't angry with me for putting it out there for public consumption, but I explained that I hoped it inspired others. So, tomorrow is the day I'll start with Day 31 and finish the thing...or as Pastor Mark says, "land this plane." Stay tuned and hang in there for sporadic posting as I'm so busy at work, I don't always feel like getting on the computer when I get home in the evenings.

Update

Check below this post for more updates. I've added them in order and will continue adding them as I get time to edit my posts. Hopefully I will be caught up by mid-week. Scroll down for Day 27 & 28. Hang in there, it's been a busy couple of weeks!

The Love Dare - Day 30

Day 30: Love brings unity – “Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.” – John 17:11

Isn’t a marriage all about unity? Of course it should be, but it’s not always so easy. Whether it’s a decision about the television channels we want to watch, where we want to go on vacation or what we spend our money on, it’s not always easy to be unified. Sometimes, it’s the smallest things that separate us. For instance, let’s say your spouse wants to go to the beach this year, but you think it’s too expensive and doesn’t fit into the budget right now. It’s a discussion that can very easily turn into an all-out war. It’s hard to see the other person’s “side” of the matter sometimes, especially if you are not unified in how you feel about and deal with certain topics. Money is definitely a biggie and certainly one of the biggest in my house. We are completely debt free except for our house, which will be paid off very soon. If we weren’t united in how we deal with our finances, this would absolutely be impossible. Now, does that mean we have to agree about everything? Of course not. Does it mean that we don’t argue about the grocery or clothing budget? Of course not. It just means that we are united in our desire to be debt free and we’re working together to obtain that goal.

Day 30 Dare: Isolate one are of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

I would still say that money is an area of division in our marriage, but not as much as it used to be. Matt is very practical and budgets very well. I’m definitely not the “saver” in our family. I’m the one that does all the grocery shopping, present buying, clothes shopping, etc. Matt just doesn’t know how much some things cost and that has been a source of irritation for me. He’s much better than he used to be, but I’m also working on trying to save money in other ways – buying things when they are on sale, clipping coupons, etc.

Lord, thank You for blessing me with a husband that is a good steward of money. You know we tithe faithfully and give with happy hearts and we are definitely feeling the reward for that. We understand that the first 10^th is Yours and will continue to give above and beyond when we are able. Please help us keep our marriage unified in other areas as well as how we feel about tithing. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 29

Day 29: Love’s motivation – “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not me..." - Ephesians 6:7

It’s easy to get distracted from the true reasons that we love our spouse. We should love them as Christ loved us. Do you love your wife because she always cooks dinner and does the laundry? Do you love your husband because he keeps the grass mowed and the weeds pulled? These are selfish reasons to love someone. Or, do you love your spouse because that’s what God commands us to do? This is the kind of love that will endure. What is your real motivation? Sure, it’s easier to be around our spouses when they are loveable, but what about the times they aren’t? Whew…sometimes it’s very difficult. And continuing the Dare from Day 1, restraining from using negative words can become increasingly difficult during those times. But, if we love and serve each other with God’s love as the source, it will become easier, more fulfilling and deeper than we can ever imagine.

Day 29 Dare: Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person – unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Today, I prayed for Matt several times. When I had a quiet moment in car by myself, I prayed. When I was between emails at work, I prayed. When I was lying in bed with the lights off, I prayed. As I lay in bed after Matt was asleep, I had my leg touching him and I prayed for his needs, hoping that he would feel the prayer even in his sleep. I tell him I love him as often as I can and it comes sincerely and easily.

Lord, thank You for Matt. I pray today for his needs and that You might meet those needs for him. Thank You for allowing me to be married to him and help that love to grow deeper and wider than imaginable. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 28

Day 28: Love makes sacrifices – “He laid down His life for us. We should lay down our lives for our brothers.” - 1 John 3:16

I think we all make sacrifices daily…sometimes without even knowing it. We sacrifice at home, at work, with our children. However, sometimes if we sacrifice too much, we are robbing other areas in our lives. Pastor Tony has preached on this very thing in the past. He has preached on the fact that we have to sacrifice things in our everyday lives for God. The thing that jumps out at me the most is him talking about not being a “taxi service” for our kids. This is weighing heavily on me right now because our oldest son will be starting T-Ball very soon. I really want him to be able to play sports, but when he is old enough, he will be required to choose one sport to play. I will not sacrifice my time at church, my time at home, my time with my husband or children to taxi the kids all over town for a ball game. Our time at home with each other is much more important than him being at one ball field and me being at the other. It’s just not worth it.

Also, I keep going back to housework. How many times do we just offer to do something for our spouse? Can I run to the grocery store for you? Can I put those dishes away for you? Can I use the weed whacker while you are mowing? How about your truck…does it need to be washed? As tired as we are when we get home from work or while the kids are napping, we sometimes just want to crash on the couch and read a book. But, before we do this, could we be selfless and ask our spouse what need you can meet for them tonight?

Day 28 Dare: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could life from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

I know Matt very well. One of his biggest needs is quality time. He just hates when I won’t sit with him and watch TV or play blackjack, etc. So, night I again chose not to watch Jon and Kate, Plus 8. I know this may sound silly, but as I have mentioned before, Matt hates, hates, hates this show. He thinks Jon & Kate talk down to each other all the time and he frankly can’t stand to watch it. It makes him sick. So, in the past, I have always gone up to the bedroom to fold clothes or just sit on the bed and watch the show. Tonight, I didn’t even turn it on. Whew. Big sacrifice on my part. But you know what? I lived. I’m still here and Jon & Kate comes on in repeats all the time and I can catch the show when he’s not around. I stayed downstairs in the living room with him and did nothing but chit chat with him. It was actually refreshing, even though neither of us felt very well.

Lord, again I come to You with an open heart for what you can do for my marriage as well as the marriage of so many others. Please guide them to this site and allow them to read with great understanding. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 27

Day 27: Love encourages - "Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You." - Psalm 25:20

We all have high expectations. It's natural that we want the best from our spouse, from our kids, from our employees, from our co-workers, from our friends, etc. Aren't we sorely disappointed when they fail to live up to our expectations? Of course. But, maybe we should step back and take a second look at our expectations. Are they too high? The higher the expectation, the more likely our spouse will disappoint us. They are human, remember. Just like us. How does it make your spouse feel when you tell him that he needs to make more money to support his family. Yes, he knows that you expect the best from him, but what if he's already trying his best? How can he give you better? If he's already giving his best and it's not meeting your expectations, maybe he's not the problem.

The solution is simple. Look at all the expectations you have of him and really decide what are realistic. Should our spouse really remember to pick up the dirty clothes, every single time? How easy is it to put the dirty shirt in the floor, hear the phone ring, run to grab it and forget to go back to pick up the shirt and put it in the hamper? Instead of criticizing, maybe we should just overlook something so trivial. In the whole scheme of life, are dirty clothes in the floor really that important? Or is is more important for you and your spouse to spend time together without the burden of unrealistic expectations hovering of your head.

Day 27 Dare: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

I expect Matt to remember to take out the garbage. I expect him to remember that I have to go to the grocery store and won't be home at normal time after work. I expect him to understand when I don't feel well and to help me with the kids without my asking. I expect him to pick up his dirty clothes. I expect him to remember my birthday. That's a lot of expectations, isn't it? Guess what, Matt is human and can't be expected never to fail. I think a lot of my expectations are centered around helping me in the house, with the kids, etc. Recently, I've really tried to lay off of complaining about little things. Like for instance, the garbage wasn't taken out for a couple of days and it was piled pretty high. Almost so high stuff was falling out. Originally, I thought I would just leave it until he took it out. Then, I realized maybe he hadn't even noticed. He wasn't feeling well and maybe he hadn't even been over to where the garbage can sits. So, instead of nagging about it, I just smashed all the trash down, pulled the bag out and tied it up. Instead of huffing and puffing about it, I just did it. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it could have been. It could have turned into a fight...easily. I released him of that expectation and then he didn't disappoint me. Hey, I live here too, right? I'm not better than taking out the trash.

Lord, I understand how You must feel when we disappoint You. Thank You for loving us enough to forgive us . Amen.