Update

Check below this post for more updates. I've added them in order and will continue adding them as I get time to edit my posts. Hopefully I will be caught up by mid-week. Scroll down for Day 27 & 28. Hang in there, it's been a busy couple of weeks!

The Love Dare - Day 30

Day 30: Love brings unity – “Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.” – John 17:11

Isn’t a marriage all about unity? Of course it should be, but it’s not always so easy. Whether it’s a decision about the television channels we want to watch, where we want to go on vacation or what we spend our money on, it’s not always easy to be unified. Sometimes, it’s the smallest things that separate us. For instance, let’s say your spouse wants to go to the beach this year, but you think it’s too expensive and doesn’t fit into the budget right now. It’s a discussion that can very easily turn into an all-out war. It’s hard to see the other person’s “side” of the matter sometimes, especially if you are not unified in how you feel about and deal with certain topics. Money is definitely a biggie and certainly one of the biggest in my house. We are completely debt free except for our house, which will be paid off very soon. If we weren’t united in how we deal with our finances, this would absolutely be impossible. Now, does that mean we have to agree about everything? Of course not. Does it mean that we don’t argue about the grocery or clothing budget? Of course not. It just means that we are united in our desire to be debt free and we’re working together to obtain that goal.

Day 30 Dare: Isolate one are of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

I would still say that money is an area of division in our marriage, but not as much as it used to be. Matt is very practical and budgets very well. I’m definitely not the “saver” in our family. I’m the one that does all the grocery shopping, present buying, clothes shopping, etc. Matt just doesn’t know how much some things cost and that has been a source of irritation for me. He’s much better than he used to be, but I’m also working on trying to save money in other ways – buying things when they are on sale, clipping coupons, etc.

Lord, thank You for blessing me with a husband that is a good steward of money. You know we tithe faithfully and give with happy hearts and we are definitely feeling the reward for that. We understand that the first 10^th is Yours and will continue to give above and beyond when we are able. Please help us keep our marriage unified in other areas as well as how we feel about tithing. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 29

Day 29: Love’s motivation – “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not me..." - Ephesians 6:7

It’s easy to get distracted from the true reasons that we love our spouse. We should love them as Christ loved us. Do you love your wife because she always cooks dinner and does the laundry? Do you love your husband because he keeps the grass mowed and the weeds pulled? These are selfish reasons to love someone. Or, do you love your spouse because that’s what God commands us to do? This is the kind of love that will endure. What is your real motivation? Sure, it’s easier to be around our spouses when they are loveable, but what about the times they aren’t? Whew…sometimes it’s very difficult. And continuing the Dare from Day 1, restraining from using negative words can become increasingly difficult during those times. But, if we love and serve each other with God’s love as the source, it will become easier, more fulfilling and deeper than we can ever imagine.

Day 29 Dare: Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person – unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Today, I prayed for Matt several times. When I had a quiet moment in car by myself, I prayed. When I was between emails at work, I prayed. When I was lying in bed with the lights off, I prayed. As I lay in bed after Matt was asleep, I had my leg touching him and I prayed for his needs, hoping that he would feel the prayer even in his sleep. I tell him I love him as often as I can and it comes sincerely and easily.

Lord, thank You for Matt. I pray today for his needs and that You might meet those needs for him. Thank You for allowing me to be married to him and help that love to grow deeper and wider than imaginable. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 28

Day 28: Love makes sacrifices – “He laid down His life for us. We should lay down our lives for our brothers.” - 1 John 3:16

I think we all make sacrifices daily…sometimes without even knowing it. We sacrifice at home, at work, with our children. However, sometimes if we sacrifice too much, we are robbing other areas in our lives. Pastor Tony has preached on this very thing in the past. He has preached on the fact that we have to sacrifice things in our everyday lives for God. The thing that jumps out at me the most is him talking about not being a “taxi service” for our kids. This is weighing heavily on me right now because our oldest son will be starting T-Ball very soon. I really want him to be able to play sports, but when he is old enough, he will be required to choose one sport to play. I will not sacrifice my time at church, my time at home, my time with my husband or children to taxi the kids all over town for a ball game. Our time at home with each other is much more important than him being at one ball field and me being at the other. It’s just not worth it.

Also, I keep going back to housework. How many times do we just offer to do something for our spouse? Can I run to the grocery store for you? Can I put those dishes away for you? Can I use the weed whacker while you are mowing? How about your truck…does it need to be washed? As tired as we are when we get home from work or while the kids are napping, we sometimes just want to crash on the couch and read a book. But, before we do this, could we be selfless and ask our spouse what need you can meet for them tonight?

Day 28 Dare: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Is there a need you could life from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

I know Matt very well. One of his biggest needs is quality time. He just hates when I won’t sit with him and watch TV or play blackjack, etc. So, night I again chose not to watch Jon and Kate, Plus 8. I know this may sound silly, but as I have mentioned before, Matt hates, hates, hates this show. He thinks Jon & Kate talk down to each other all the time and he frankly can’t stand to watch it. It makes him sick. So, in the past, I have always gone up to the bedroom to fold clothes or just sit on the bed and watch the show. Tonight, I didn’t even turn it on. Whew. Big sacrifice on my part. But you know what? I lived. I’m still here and Jon & Kate comes on in repeats all the time and I can catch the show when he’s not around. I stayed downstairs in the living room with him and did nothing but chit chat with him. It was actually refreshing, even though neither of us felt very well.

Lord, again I come to You with an open heart for what you can do for my marriage as well as the marriage of so many others. Please guide them to this site and allow them to read with great understanding. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 27

Day 27: Love encourages - "Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You." - Psalm 25:20

We all have high expectations. It's natural that we want the best from our spouse, from our kids, from our employees, from our co-workers, from our friends, etc. Aren't we sorely disappointed when they fail to live up to our expectations? Of course. But, maybe we should step back and take a second look at our expectations. Are they too high? The higher the expectation, the more likely our spouse will disappoint us. They are human, remember. Just like us. How does it make your spouse feel when you tell him that he needs to make more money to support his family. Yes, he knows that you expect the best from him, but what if he's already trying his best? How can he give you better? If he's already giving his best and it's not meeting your expectations, maybe he's not the problem.

The solution is simple. Look at all the expectations you have of him and really decide what are realistic. Should our spouse really remember to pick up the dirty clothes, every single time? How easy is it to put the dirty shirt in the floor, hear the phone ring, run to grab it and forget to go back to pick up the shirt and put it in the hamper? Instead of criticizing, maybe we should just overlook something so trivial. In the whole scheme of life, are dirty clothes in the floor really that important? Or is is more important for you and your spouse to spend time together without the burden of unrealistic expectations hovering of your head.

Day 27 Dare: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

I expect Matt to remember to take out the garbage. I expect him to remember that I have to go to the grocery store and won't be home at normal time after work. I expect him to understand when I don't feel well and to help me with the kids without my asking. I expect him to pick up his dirty clothes. I expect him to remember my birthday. That's a lot of expectations, isn't it? Guess what, Matt is human and can't be expected never to fail. I think a lot of my expectations are centered around helping me in the house, with the kids, etc. Recently, I've really tried to lay off of complaining about little things. Like for instance, the garbage wasn't taken out for a couple of days and it was piled pretty high. Almost so high stuff was falling out. Originally, I thought I would just leave it until he took it out. Then, I realized maybe he hadn't even noticed. He wasn't feeling well and maybe he hadn't even been over to where the garbage can sits. So, instead of nagging about it, I just smashed all the trash down, pulled the bag out and tied it up. Instead of huffing and puffing about it, I just did it. I know that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it could have been. It could have turned into a fight...easily. I released him of that expectation and then he didn't disappoint me. Hey, I live here too, right? I'm not better than taking out the trash.

Lord, I understand how You must feel when we disappoint You. Thank You for loving us enough to forgive us . Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 26

Day 26: Love is responsible - "When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things." - Romans 2:1

Wow - another hard day. Personal responsibility. Do you struggle with this like I do? I hate to be embarrassed or have to take responsibility for something I have done wrong. But, I do it. It's certainly not always easy, but I'm the first to admit if I've messed something up at work. It's so much easier to deal with the consequences now instead of lying or trying to cover up our mistakes. Why not take responsibility for something we have done right away and be released from the burden instead of carrying it around with us? It's much easier said than done, I know. But, I'm recommitting myself to doing this on a daily basis - not just in my marriage, but in life. Please join me. We'll respect each other so much more.

Day 26 Dare: Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

We all do many things wrong. It's just part of being human and being sinners. The hardest thing is to ask for forgiveness when we have done something that hurt someone. To me, there is no need in dwelling on the past, but for others, it's not so easy. Honestly, I can't think of anything that I need to ask Matt for forgiveness for at this point. We tend to deal with issues as they arise, then forgive and forget. However, I'm taking this dare one step further and I'm making a point of asking for forgiveness immediately when I've done something to upset anyone, especially Matt. We haven't had much tension since I started the Love Dare, but I have to constantly remind myself not to say anything negative...constantly. I'm trying to take responsibility for my actions and asking for forgiveness right away.

Lord, thank You for Your forgiveness. Help me to be as forgiving as You. Amen.

The Love Dare - Day 25

Day 25: Love forgives - "What I have forgiven, if I have fogiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ." - 1 Corinthians 2:10

Whew...forgiveness is so hard for most of us. Fortunately, I'm a very forgiving person. I've always thought it was one of my faults, but really the more I think about it, it's a very good virtue to have. Some people can't or won't forgive even the smallest things. The Bible commands us to forgive each other. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32). If we can't forgive our spouse, who can we forgive? No one. Our spouse is the person closest to us and if we can't start with them, our hearts will be heavy. Can you imagine setting your spouse free of anything that he/she has done, irritated you with, said to you, not done, etc? I mean completely setting him/her free. What a burden it will lift from us and our hearts!

Day 25 Dare: Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to “forgive us our debts” each day, we must ask Him to help us “forgive our debtors” each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”

I had to really think hard for what I needed to forgive Matt. I honestly couldn't think of anything for the longest time. I can be so mad at him one minute and then completely forgive and forget the next. It's just in my nature. So today, I'm setting him free from anything that I'm harboring deep in my heart. Things that might not be at the front of my mind today, but might try to come to the surface later. I will be on guard for anything that might show up. Now I say, "Matt, I choose to forgive."

Lord, thank you again for this wonderful opportunity to deepen my love for my spouse. It's getting more challenging, but also more rewarding and I appreciate what it has done for us so far. Amen.